A Borrowed Fortune

A friend of mine got a fortune cookie that contained the message...

"Life is a verb."

"Hmmmmm...," we both said. As much as I knew this was not supposed to be a grammar lesson, I couldn't see past the fact that it was wrong.

Life is a noun. And sometimes an adjective. But that's not the point.

As it turns out, my reflection on this fortune was not about life. Or lifing. It was about perfectionism.

Obviously, I am not perfect. But I all too often strive to be. Unfortunately this comes with a price.

• When I was training for my first half marathon, I didn't tell anyone about it until a couple weeks before the race. I wanted to be sure I could complete it, so I wouldn't look like a failure if I didn't. I inadvertently chose to have no support.
• At work, when I'm asked to do something I've never done before, I worry myself sick that I'm doing it wrong. I forget that people make mistakes...and that includes me.
• During the final miles of my last marathon, I suffered severe knee pain that had me shuffling across the finish line 10 minutes later than my goal. I was so disappointed that I traded in the magical moment of completing something amazing for a pity party.

At yoga tonight, I got to thinking about all of this. Part of yoga is to clear your mind of all distractions. This is never easy for me, and tonight was especially hard. I actually got mad at myself because I couldn't get my mind to calm down. At one point I even thought, "This is going to be a horrible class."

Another thing reiterated in yoga is to focus only on what your body can do today. Don't worry about what you were able to do yesterday or what your neighbor is doing. Do the best that you can do right now. If that means take a break, take a break.

I am pretty competitive - with myself and with others. If the yoga instructor wants us to hold a pose for a long time, I will grunt my way through it. My muscles will be burning, my limbs will be shaking, and there will be sweat dripping from my brow. But tonight Charlie reminded us, "Work to the point of gentle resistance, never pain."

For the first time, I took a break.

I chanted silently to myself, "You deserve this."

And it's true, I do deserve a break. I am too hard on myself. And what I gain from trying to be perfect is not worth what I'm giving up. In yoga or in life.

Well, would you look at that. It came back to life after all.